the words i lived by this year
2023’s phrases that got me through *almost everything*
It’ll likely come as no surprise to you that as a writer, words play a big role in pretty much everything I do. As I said in my 2023 roundup, this year was a year of really understanding who I am, what I stand for (and what I won’t stand for) and what I really do need to be happy – both in myself and in my life.
It felt like this year was just as turbulent for a lot of my people, too. I dread to think how many hours I racked up on phonecalls, voicenotes and typing out messages of (hopefully good) advice and motivation to help my people to get over the hurdles that stood in their way – even if they fell down in front of them a little bit first. And as it goes, figuring things out for other people is often actually what helps you to figure things for yourself.
In and amongst those minutes and messages, there were a few phrases that I said and typed out again and again and again. These were the words that I lived by (and probably forced others to live by too), and will likely take into 2024. Hopefully, next year will see us all a little more sure of who we are, and how we’re going to face all those hurdles – and get the fuck over them, too.
‘Look, we are where we are.’
This was an extremely useful phrase at work this year (as it is every year). Sometimes, particularly in a chaotic, fast-moving environment, decisions are made and things happen that end up being… less than ideal. Startups love to throw around Facebook’s ‘move fast and break things’ mantra, but somehow forget that with that approach, things do end up being… broken. Inevitably, someone will come to you with a situation shituation that’s as a result of not-really-thought-through decisions as a result of the right people not doing the right thing at the right time in the right way and the only thing you can do is to take a deep breath, listen and say, ‘Look, we are where we are,’ and come up with a way to get through the other side of the mess. Not everyone can get everything right every time, and it’s better to find a way forward than to look back in anger.
‘Jump in the pond.’
Thank you, Ina Garten. This quote was from her interview in the Wall Street Journal and I think it should be the parting words for every student on their last day of school. I jumped in the pond a lot this year and it was worth it every time. Even if you do jump in and decide the water’s not quite right for you, you can always get out and find yourself a different pond to jump in instead. Though you can’t always undo a decision, you can always make another one.
‘What’s meant for you won’t pass you by.’
Honestly, it won’t. A less lofty version of this is ‘rejection is redirection’ and it really is so true. Whether it’s work, love, friendships, flats (or houses, if you’re lucky), a flight being cancelled (or missed, oops) or just that thing you really wanted to eat on the menu that they’ve now run out of – I really do believe that what’s meant for you won’t pass you by. This is not to say that you can use this phrase for all things, however. If you’ve behaved badly in a relationship and pushed someone away, not put the work in for that job you said you so badly wanted or gone to that restaurant at the time of year where you know deep down that they won’t be serving moules frites, you will need to take responsibility and accountability for those actions yourself, I’m afraid. But if you gave something your all and it still passed you by, then it probably wasn’t meant for you in the first place.
‘It be like that sometimes.’
A little like ‘we are where we are’, this is one that my brother and I say to each other when we’ve run out of conclusions, solutions and opinions. Sometimes, bad, irritating or unfortunate things happen and there’s no reason why. Life has highs and lows and ebbs and flows and there’s nothing you can do about it – you just have to accept that it is what it is, and that it really do be like that sometimes.
‘Trash takes itself out, every time.’
This one’s courtesy of my gal Taylor Swift and though it only landed in my personal phrasebook in December of this year, it felt like it was this bright shining light that gave me so much clarity and reassurance on the way I’d decided to deal with the bullying, toxic behaviour I’d been on the receiving end of (though technically, as it had all happened behind my back, maybe not) for the past few years. Having been cast in a role that I hadn’t even been invited to play, I so desperately wanted to give this character that had been written for me a real voice that was actually reflective of who I was. In response to the hundreds of messages, emails, phonecalls and conversations filled with untrue details concerning who I was as a person (that had all taken place behind my back, leaving me unable to defend myself), I had written countless unsent emails, unsent messages and had had numerous imaginary arguments (very good ones, too) in which I had tried to make the case for being a normal, good person who just wanted to do normal, good things, actually. But in the end, I left all my words unsent and unsaid and I’ve now found that by keeping my side of the street clean, the trash has indeed taken itself out and now, karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend and karma’s a relaxing thought. I’m sure that somewhere, they’re envious that for them it’s not.
‘Deal with it and move on.’
This one’s courtesy of my dad, who has been saying this to us since I can remember. If you’ve got a problem, try not to waste too much of your precious time and energy faffing around in the grey of what that problem is and why it’s such a problem for you, and move into the black and white of the solution. Then, once you’ve dealt with it, let it go and move on with your life. Although it’s so much easier said than done, it does no good to dwell on what’s already been done, but instead to figure out what’s left to do.
‘Do you want a cup of tea?’
This one’s courtesy of my grandparents and should be the first and last resort, always. Whatever the problem is, get the kettle on and sit down with a warm cup (or mug, you do you) of tea that you can hold in your hands and slowly sip from as you talk things through with someone you love.
Did you have any words you lived by this year? Tell me in the comments!
I often say “it’s just paint on a wall” about writing, whenever I get over stressed and can’t write an intro. Paint on a wall, just get something down and it’ll begin to fill up with colour