all my thoughts, feelings and recommendations. plus 10 rules for planning one, and why i think if a bride-to-be wants a hen, she should pay her own way
This sounds like a really lovely trip. My sister got married this summer and we did something similar- our mom, the groom's mom, and a close aunt all came. We took two days to lay around the pool at our aunt's place, went out for a nice meal, and went dancing one night. Including more than just the bridesmaids helped the vibe a lot- it felt like the sweet celebration of my sister that it should be!
Striking a balance between celebrating the women you love and what you can afford (monetarily, mentally, or motivationally) to do for others is difficult. It's petty and ridiculous, but I struggled with some jealousy during the two months before my sisters wedding. I'm younger and in school still, so it was a little hard not to covet her nice new dishes.... eventually, what I realized was that I wasn't really interested in the attention or gifts or experiences she was having. I was just deeply anxious that my friends and family will never be as interested in my pursuit of a PhD as they were in my sister getting married. I told my mother in confidence and she assured me there will be a full house to watch me defend in a couple years, and the weight was lifted.
I imagine there's a lot of women who struggle with emotions around weddings. There's so many expectations for a mind-blowing, beautiful, elaborate day. For women who can't find the right person, or don't want to get married, or regret their marriage, or didn't have friends who showed up for them, or any number of situations, these blow out parties are hard to wrestle with. It also helped me to remember that the alternative to my sister being celebrated so much was not be celebrated at all, and I would never want that! I'm glad I was eventually able to get over my jealousy and anxiety and not let my sister know, but wow that was a tough emotion to deal with!
gab, thank you so much for sharing! i love that you've been so open about this – both here and with your mother too. how wonderful to have her reassurance of that full house in the future. CELEBRATE IT ALL.
This sounds like a really lovely trip. My sister got married this summer and we did something similar- our mom, the groom's mom, and a close aunt all came. We took two days to lay around the pool at our aunt's place, went out for a nice meal, and went dancing one night. Including more than just the bridesmaids helped the vibe a lot- it felt like the sweet celebration of my sister that it should be!
Striking a balance between celebrating the women you love and what you can afford (monetarily, mentally, or motivationally) to do for others is difficult. It's petty and ridiculous, but I struggled with some jealousy during the two months before my sisters wedding. I'm younger and in school still, so it was a little hard not to covet her nice new dishes.... eventually, what I realized was that I wasn't really interested in the attention or gifts or experiences she was having. I was just deeply anxious that my friends and family will never be as interested in my pursuit of a PhD as they were in my sister getting married. I told my mother in confidence and she assured me there will be a full house to watch me defend in a couple years, and the weight was lifted.
I imagine there's a lot of women who struggle with emotions around weddings. There's so many expectations for a mind-blowing, beautiful, elaborate day. For women who can't find the right person, or don't want to get married, or regret their marriage, or didn't have friends who showed up for them, or any number of situations, these blow out parties are hard to wrestle with. It also helped me to remember that the alternative to my sister being celebrated so much was not be celebrated at all, and I would never want that! I'm glad I was eventually able to get over my jealousy and anxiety and not let my sister know, but wow that was a tough emotion to deal with!
gab, thank you so much for sharing! i love that you've been so open about this – both here and with your mother too. how wonderful to have her reassurance of that full house in the future. CELEBRATE IT ALL.